Desire vs Arousal: How to Revive Your Sex Life
Desire vs Arousal: How to Revive Your Sex Life
If quarantine steamrolled your sex life and you’re not sure how to revive the flat, dry carcass of what was once a good thing—this one’s for you.
To feel good during sex and keep intimacy alive, ask yourself: Are you following arousal or following desire?
Arousal is mostly physical. It’s your body saying “yes” before your brain catches up. You get wet, hard, flushed, pupils dilate. Evolution has kicked in and prepared your body to make sex more likely—and more pleasurable.
Think back: when was the last time you felt genuinely aroused? Sometimes, your body knew before you did. Maybe you fell into an effortless flow with someone where arousal felt electric and obvious. If you were lucky, they were falling right alongside you.
Desire, on the other hand, is subtle. It’s not always physical—it’s a thought, a whisper. Desire might show up while you’re doing the dishes, watching The Office, or at the grocery store. It appears like, “I want to have sex,” or just “…sex…good…”
Desire often gets dismissed as an inconvenient thought. We're trained to ignore it. This is where the pleasure practice becomes so important.
My clients usually have desire. They want to want sex. They want to enjoy their sexuality and they want to understand their elusive or sporadic arousal.
Here’s what I want you to consider:
Arousal happens physically. Your body gets turned on, and you follow its lead.
Desire speaks to your heart. You hear the whisper, and you create the best possible conditions for arousal to follow.
If you’re waiting around for arousal to hit like a lightning bolt, you’ll be waiting a long time. Luckily, that’s not how it works. We get to prepare for arousal. We get to create space for it to show up.
So maybe your sex life has gone quiet. But has your desire?
Get curious about what turns you on. Even if it starts as a single word—trust it. That’s the spark.
🔥 Ready to Feel Good Again?
If your desire is whispering and you're ready to actually listen—I’m here to help. Private coaching is a safe, supportive space to reconnect with your body, your relationship to sexuality, and build the intimacy you crave.
Click below to book a consultation and see if private coaching is right for you.